


You Are Loved

by orphan_account



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, azriel cries, but technically meant to be kinda like an intro to their relationship, can just be read as a azriel and elain friendship fic, elriel say they love each other platonically first, think azriel acosf poc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28735503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He choked back a whimper at the contact, shivers wracking down his body at the effort to remain silent.“You don’t need to hide from me, Azriel. You helped me at my weakest. Let me help you.”It was like a dam was released at her words.~Aka Azriel's reaction after Mor revealed her preferences to him and Elain comforting him
Relationships: Elain Archeron/Azriel
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	You Are Loved

Azriel’s ears rang. His head gave a dull throb he knew would soon grow into a full migraine.

Morrigan had left only a few minutes ago, having finally revealed her preferences to him and seeing there was really not much left to say. 

He’d remained silent during her entire confession, his face unreadable as he listened to her speak.

He couldn’t really say he was surprised that Mor preferred females. In fact, he’d felt no real shock whatsoever, as if he’d always known deep down that the blonde female could never truly return his affections.

Once she was done speaking he’d just nodded and said that he would support her no matter what. Fortunately, she hadn’t said much more other than thanking him and giving him a hug before making a hasty exit.

Truth be told, he wasn’t really angry. Not at her at least.

He was angry with himself. At how much of a fool this all made him.

He was angry that he let his feelings cloud his judgement as he mindlessly pined over a female he could never have. 

He was angry that, despite those feelings he had clung to for a good five centuries, he felt no real heartbreak over the lost possibility of a future with Mor.

He’d spent all this time loving her, yet once she finally broke his heart he felt nothing.

He shouldn’t have been surprised by this either. These past few years his focus on Mor had grown less and less, his attention moving to other things… other people.

Yet if he was so unbothered why did he feel so weak? So damaged?

He felt the doors open behind him. Dread instantly flooded throughout his body at the thought of talking with his brother.

Having to listen to a lecture on heartbreak and “accepting the trials of fate” from a bastard who was happily mated with a baby on the way sounded like actual torture.

“Save it Rhys, I’m not in the mood.”

“It’s me.”

He turned to see Elain smiling up at him softly, a chocolate chip cookie in her hand.

He sighed, rubbing his temples, “I really can’t talk right now Elain. I-”

“I heard what happened and thought I’d make you some cookies. I brought you one but there’s more in the kitchen if you’d like.”

In all honesty he would rather go to hell itself than walk back through those doors and face his family.

Knowing she wouldn’t relent until she thought he was alright, he grabbed the cookie and forced himself to take a bite to ease her nerves. 

His normally favorite dessert tasted like sand on his tongue, yet he made himself swallow every bite.

He smiled once he was finished, his voice smooth and unreadable, “I’m alright. Truly.”

Her brow furrowed, “You don’t seem–”

“Elain. Leave.”

He despised how cold his voice got. He’d always tried to hide this side of him from her. She was too kind, too gentle to be exposed to a monster like him.

Perhaps if he finally showed her this side of himself she’d leave him alone.

“No.”

His blood chilled at her words, fury pulsing through his mind. 

He bared his teeth in a sneer that would make even the bravest of his enemies cower away in fear, “Pardon?”

Elain didn’t so much as tremble. She merely lifted her chin and met his gaze with an intense determination.

“No. I will not just leave you when you ask and sit back while you tear yourself apart. I already did so with Nesta, I won’t make the same mistake again.”

He saw the flash of regret and remorse flash over her eyes at the mention of her sister. The two had long since rekindled their close relationship, but Azriel knew Elain still hated herself over how she’d acted. 

To her, she had now failed both of her sisters when they needed her most. He had slaughtered and tortured many without blinking an eye, yet she couldn’t manage to help her sisters and the memory haunted her for years. 

It was infuriating. 

He snarled, turning to gaze out from the balcony.

He stood there, unmoving and unspeaking. His patience unrelenting as he hoped Elain would eventually give up and let him be.

But almost twenty minutes later, the female had still not moved from where she was standing behind him.

He sighed, sparing her a glance over his shoulder before he looked back out onto the Sidra. He’d always found comfort in gazing at the many wonders his home could offer.

Now it all just seemed to mock him.

“I loved her for over 500 years.”

The words escaped him before he could think twice. He hated how broken his voice sounded. Hated that this female had been standing here for all of twenty minutes and he already confessed more to her than he had anyone else.

“I know.”

“I loved her. And yet… And yet I feel nothing. It’s almost as if it doesn’t matter. As if I didn’t truly–”

His voice broke off, but he forced himself to continue, “I-I thought I loved her. But I suppose I didn’t. Not truly. All this trouble I caused and I didn’t even love her!”

He was shouting now, his breathing coming in short pants as he felt every emotion crash over him like a wave he couldn’t escape.

“Azriel,” she whispered, her voice like a salve over the wound that was his wretched and muddled heart.

“That doesn’t mean you didn’t care for her. This can be hard. Maybe–”

He whipped around, arms held up as if crying out to the heavens, “No, you don’t understand! It’s not numbness! I-I just don’t care! I don’t!”

He was manic now, desperate as each word slipped from his lips that he had kept sealed for so long.

He tugged at his hair in frustration, wanting to punch the nearest surface at how ridiculous this all was.

“And yet I feel so broken! I feel hurt and vulnerable but not because she didn’t want me! Because I don’t want her! Not anymore! I want… I want…”

His voice trailed off as the words were lodged in his throat, refusing to even reveal themselves to him.

Tears glazed over his vision, but he forced them back.

Azriel sagged against the balustrade, pressing his forehead to the handrail and relishing in the brief comfort the cold surface gave his racing mind.

He soon felt small hands wrap hesitantly around his middle as Elain pressed her cheek against his back, right between his wings.

He choked back a whimper at the contact, shivers wracking down his body at the effort to remain silent.

“You don’t need to hide from me, Azriel. You helped me at my weakest. Let me help you.”

It was like a dam was released at her words.

He collapsed to the ground, turning in Elain’s embrace as she moved her arms around his neck and kneeled beside him. 

He clung to her, holding her tight as he buried his face in her neck.

She ran a soothing hand through his hair, making him feel safe in a way he hadn’t felt in centuries. Perhaps in a way he’d never truly felt until now.

A sob wracked his body so violently he could have sworn the floor shook from the impact.

He felt wetness splash against his neck and realized she was crying too.

She crawled into his lap to hold him closer, as if she could sense he needed this. To be held, to be cherished. To for once feel like the one being protected.

“I just want to know what being loved feels like.”

The words were muffled against her skin, but he knew she heard them as he felt her tense slightly before tightening her hold on him to almost a vicious extent.

“You are loved.” Her voice was fierce through her tears. It left no room for him to argue as she continued on.

“By your brothers. Your mother.” She paused briefly, “By me.”

She adjusted her grip around his neck, as if confirming the truth of those words to herself.

“I love you Azriel. You are loved. Never for a second think that you aren’t.”

His body shook as she spoke, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried this much, couldn’t remember the last time he cried at all.

“I love you too.”

She sniffled, rubbing her hands across his shoulders and slowly rocking their bodies from side to side as she lulled his mind to finally be at rest.

And as they remained there in each other’s arms, swaying underneath the stars, Azriel let himself hope. Let himself hope that one day he would feel as loved as he did now, in this female’s arms. 

But for now, this was enough. This was everything. 

He was loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr if you want more Elriel content @elriel-incorrect-quotes


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